Look, SG. Chuck Norris facts.

Here's an ever-growing collection of absurdly most-improbably assertions about actor and martial artist Chuck Norris. Goes to show how "awesome" Chuck Norris really is. I do what I can, SG. Here're some of Chuck Norris Facts:

Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.

- Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants..

- If Chuck Norris is late, time had better slow the f*** down.

- When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.

- Chuck Norris never goes hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.

- The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.

- There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

- Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

- Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

- Remember The Virgin Islands? After Chuck Norris visited, they had to be renamed "The Islands."

- In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer.

- Chuck Norris can divide by 0.

- There are no steroids in baseball. Just players Chuck Norris has breathed on.

Apparently, there're amazing facts about Jack Bauer too, Shmeedawg.